Part II

Part II





Always
nameless, but never faceless, the huntress of my dreams lurks consistently and
nightly. Restless when I desire rest, I lay awake at night for fear of the
unknown. No – it is not the unknown, but rather the knowledge of failure.
Haunted by the past, I lose what is most necessary for life, and I continue a
meaningless existence.


The essence
of remembrance is, for most people, one of happiness, but happiness long ago
faced the hangman willingly. The lack of happiness is not depression, as commonly
believed, but rather loneliness. Even surrounded by those who call themselves
my friends, I still experience the darkest of loneliness, and it is this
loneliness that has driven me to depression.


It was that
fated day that brought my ultimate failure into being. I mentioned the huntress
of my dreams, but her eerie presence in the spirit is not limited strictly to
my dreams. Daily, she haunts my overactive mind, and the toll of her
consistency rots my body to malnutrition. My depression leaks into everything
that I set my hands to do, and I have come to the knowledge of my greatest foe.


It is this
foe that has brought many great men to their knees in surrender, but I am not
given this option. I know no escape from this terrifying emotion that is spoken
of in awe-inspiring tones by the young and warm-blooded. Love – that is what
they call it, but for all of their tales of grand feelings and “Prince
Charmings”, I know only one offset of this monstrous emotion – Pain.


Nightly, I
mock the fairy-tale meaning of love by the infliction of physical wounds to
match the pain of loss that my heart endures. I scream in defiance of the
monstrosity that inhabits my heart, and my blade seeks to eradicate all traces
of feeling. It is as though the beast has engraved the memory of her upon my
heart with a poisoned knife, and the poison shows no signs of relenting or
letting my meaningless life end. I weep for an escape from my depression, but
any deity that exists overlooks my plea.


The memory
of she who stood unchanging within the sea of humanity is stealing the only
thing left in my possession – life.